hmmm.. my "secret blog".... haven't written here in a loooooong time!!!!

it's 11pm and i should be in bed... but i've been researching...............................

it's basically PT.... OT..... or, nothing, really.

everything else is just OTPT assistant - something i'm not going to do if i already have a degree in Human Kinetics.

my loooong... schedule can be thwarted so i won't become worried or obsessed about it. i can actually ENJOY school.

i wouldn't mind being an assistant in a high school... to help with the disabled kids there. i think i'd like that more than being a kines.......

anyway, those are pretty much my options... and education is kind of ruled out because i CANNOT teach and i'd have to take many more courses than i need.

so, back to square 1... waiting and not stressing about the future. God, please take my life. You're number 1!!!

i love You.

Thank You for Your great love today. i'm going to sleep =]. <3

my head hurts and there's a lab i don't know how to do. i'm feeling stressed.

it's so important to reflect on God right now in the midst of all this stress.

Father,

i love You. i pray that You would give me enough strength to live for You today. i choose to follow You today. i ask that You would reveal something new to me today. i pray that i might be sensitive to Your voice in my life today. thank You for reminding me that this time is the most important. this time that i sit and reflect on Your goodness gives me peace. i know i can do all things through You. i can do nothing without You. Father, give me patience, self-control, self-discipline, and courage to face today. i especially ask for Your grace to cover me. thank You for being a great Father and my best friend. Lord, change my heart and help me to love others the way You love them. be glorified, be magnified today!

Amen.

i almost cried in a few classes. i'm feeling low but i'm clinging to God and His promises.

it's time to CHANGE the way i live. i'm always changing... i know that i'm changing for the better - all for His glory.

Jesus, be the centre.

i find myself at a standstill. where do i go from here? why does my heart hurt? what's going to happen in the long run? what will happen next week? what will happen tonight? who am i going to live for? what am i going to die for?

let it be all for the glory of my Father. 

change my heart, Lord... have Your way in me.

running is so painful but so rewarding.

life is so much like a marathon. it's so hard to focus when i run but today i decided to pray as i ran to give me some motivation/purpose to run. i thought about life's ups and downs and how everything is meaningless without Christ. God, all i need is You.

it's all about pushing through and focusing in on what's important even when it hurts.

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good." - Romans 12:9

stop. thinking. just stop. stop being efficient and stressing out and giving yourself heart attacks.

walk around looking up at the grey-white sky and think about the unending possibilities. who am i?

can i soak in this beauty? i look at the vibrant green grass and i smile. i'm slowly healing just by looking at nature... can i consume this strength and freedom? romping around in leaves, rolling down a grass hill, swimming in a lake, walking in the rain. thank You that You make all things beautiful in Your time.

God, this life is not worth living without You. i pray that You would remain in my heart today and that You would draw me closer to You. renew my mind and give me a clear mind. i trust in Your goodness and faithfulness. i don't know why i'm so weak but i know that You are strong.

i've stopped and thought about the rainy day...

and now the list goes on... as it should. if only there was some way to freeze time and make it go slower. life is precious.

today: math hwk, study brachial plexus, lumbar, sacral plexus; cranial nerves
thurs: math quiz; study muscles/movt/innervation, endocrine, respiratory system
fri: musc/movt/innervation, endocrine, respiratory system
sat: review
sun: review
mon: review
tues: review

i will live to love You.

there's nothing like waking up to... chinese radio blaring through the wall. on the plus side, today is a gorgeous day and i got to spend the morning watching some tv and reading the bible. woot!

the sunlight's streaming in.

It's the simple moments like this where i can breathe again. i can soak up warmth and silence and just be at rest. Lord, i long for rest.

today i have been convicted of a few things that i've been mulling over for the past few weeks.

Repentance. being clean before God. turning away from sin and instead turning to the living God who can save me.  Jesus, i pray that you would search my heart and convict me of sin in my life that needs to be dealt with.

Forgiveness.  taking their hook out of you. letting them off your hook. putting them on God's hook.

it's time to clean the inner sanctuary of my life and forgive so that i might have JOY.

i love my friends so much. dabs - sisters. 9 - we've been through a lot. hcfers - family.  thank You, Lord.

*
the TO-DO LIST:

friday: study for phys, study for anatomy
saturday: study anatomy
sunday: study anatomy, start math hwk
monday: math hwk, anatomy

feb. 14: career interview due (15%), anatomy exam (20%)
feb. 21: physiology exam (30%), active health exam (35%), sport sociology exam  (20%)

*
i need to let You set my heart right. i love You, Lord.

it's times like these where i really want hkin to be over with... and math, too. no more anatomy... pleeeeease.

i think this summer i'll have to make it a goal to volunteer at a hospital or some rehab/pt/ot clinic.

need.... volunteer hours.

and while i fret over something so trivial... other problems in the world go on. when i think about it, my brain hurts =(.

*sigh* i need to set my prioreties straight.. and i need to work hard. here comes my nerdy reclusive mode.

the rain helps me think.

rain drops on barren tree branches make me smile. i guess it's true that beauty heals.

God, when will i finally heal?

"he isn't safe, but he's good"

so i will trust that all things work for the good of those who love You. i guess there's going to be pain in between but i know that Your plan is perfect. i'm so limited and i can't understand why You do what You do... but i know it is for my good because Your love endures forever.

i want to be lovable... but the greatest love of all comes without question and without having to fulfill requirements. You love me and i will never deserve it.

You want to know all of me... and You already do... will i let You in?

You're my only hope, You're my only hope for change. i pray that You'd change me today.

broken isn't such a bad thing to be... as long as it always brings me back to You.

Your mercies on me are new today. thank You, Father. i will let You pour out Your grace over me. i will let You love me. i will not cut off my Life lines... You're all i need.

i will let you.

[x] biomechanics calculation & lab assignment - 10%
[x] english citations assignment - 5%
[] math hwk - mon.
[x] palpation & movement analysis exam - 10%
[x] english essay - dec. 7 - 25%
[x] biomechanics - exam dec. 8 - 30%
[x] organize physiology notes - exam dec. 11 - 20%
[x] math exam - dec. 11 - 40%

i'm probably going to end up just reading today. i finished my course planning for next semester and i'm waitlisted for 2 courses. grrr... oh well, being 8th isn't so bad considering that there's only ONE section for that class.

i need to find good music =(.

What am I doing here
If you're not with me?
What have I got to live for, if it's just my own dream
Take it back to the beginning, back to the start
When gravity's pulling, you're still holding my heart
You come crashing down
Crashing down

my world has changed yet again. paradigm shift much?

Salvation. it starts at the Cross where He took all my sin upon himself and paid the price. Selfless Love. He willingly suffered so that He could be with me.

Life. the Spirit whom he has given me gives Life. we need others. we're all part of the same body. being fully present. touch. giving. caring about others the way we do about ourselves. stop being threatened. don't give into the culture. love one another or perish.

my heart is home. i'm still Searching. Seek and ye shall find.

God, i want to be with You.

i feel lost... but i lift up my eyes to You alone.

stop me from crashing down.